a coupla things

i feel like someone who's won one of those high school awards like, best hair, or best style, or most likely to succeed. so.


odd (odd but it makes you feel amazing, but you kinda know that in the long run it might not mean anything at all, actually)


except my recognition was for sucking. ha. how 'bout that. not the way i'd always fantasized about a viral yan post going down, but it is what it is.

and your support?

has been incredible. beyond that. its been miraculous.

yeah i knew this business was hard. but i didn't know my experience would resonate with so many-i didn't know, didn't want to think that so, so many of you were going through the same thing, or worse.

your words and support left me in a literal state of shock. i couldn't eat yesterday. i couldn't move from my couch. i couldn't pay attention to my kids --okay, i probably could have and should have tried harder there to do so, but i'm making a point here---it just felt like every single last bit of me was engrossed in trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. and that meant i had to stay on my couch. glued to my computer.

for like 4 hours.

to me it went like this: i had blogged, i poured my guts out, i clicked post and in the first 3.7 minutes i began to question what i had done. wondered if it was as momentous as it felt, wondered if anyone would ever read it.

and i started to feel silly. and insecure.

but you did read it.

a lot of you did.

and you linked it.

you tweeted it.

*i realize i don't really need to give you a recap here, but for the sake of flow, let's keep going*

you reposted it.

and before i knew it i had 200 comments, an overflowing inbox, regards from south africa, hater posts written on the subject, and someone asking me to do a workshop in sweden.


all of which made me feel a million times more silly  than i had in those first few minutes when i thought no one might read it at all.

silly and overwhelmingly grateful. THANK YOU.

i can't help but feel i should spend the rest of my life saying thank you.

but for now what  it comes down to is the decision i made yesterday. a decision i made before writing that post, before spilling my guts, before all the eyes in the photo world suddenly turned to me--

and its that i want to let people reading this blog know me. whether 5 of you are reading it or 5,000, i want you to come here and find something real. and i guess that means letting you all love me and hate me some too.

i hope you stick around.

lastly, here's a song i'd like to dedicate from me to you, hot 9 at 9 - call in to your local radio station- style.

please listen. its an old fav of mine and i feel it speaks to all of us who are struggling.