The problem of blogging from your iPhone at an airport

when I would rather be reading my book... I think the best I'll be able to come up with is a whole lotta random. Possibly even a list of paradoxes that will be eerily reminiscent of an alanis morisette song. The number of typos will be even higher than usual (is that even possible at this point?) and if in the unlikely event I figure out how to get a picture in this thing. I will demand a round of applause from anyone reading this. Right where you are. At home in front of a computer or in public on your phone like me.......

Which brings me back just about full circle.

Oh right, a list: -my heart feels simultaneously unburdened but heavy -I am sooo excited for my shoot tomorrow, and soooo excited to go home after that -I shriek with joy at the sight of a baby. Followed by tears that I have been away from mine for so long -I have had more meaningful meals with more inspiring people on this trip than I had collectively between the years 2010-2011. -I am losing myself in a sea of gratitude while finding myself in a blanket of new friendships -I am trying to think of something funny to improve this list but I can't. -I want to live in a wes anderson movie, but keep their cooler than coolness all to myself -I had cadbury mini eggs and diet coke for breakfast while making an ambitious plan to get back in shape. -I dislike alanis morisette, but clearly can't get her influence out Of my head. -I suddenly wish this list had been not about me but about all the amazing else.

Tomorrows post will be better friends, promise! And when I get my film back on Tuesday, lookout! Aw yeah.

the mommy dilemma

today i leave for wppi. i feel sick about it. punched in the gut, clear the path to the toilet, i might throw up kind of sick.  marty says its because of the green smoothie we both drank this morning, and insists his stomach is upset too.

but we both know the reason for our unease is this trip. that i'm leaving. again. that when i get back i will be home for less than a week before leaving the 4 of them for a week of shooting in Califronia. it hurts.

it hurts a lot.

i know what you're thinking. why the heck are you going then? wppi is just a fun thing, stay home, be with your babies and hubby while you can!

well the funny thing about the living contradiction that i am, is that, i want to go. i need some time for me. time that the pure objective of is to have fun. i do this maybe once a year, if that. and i need it to be more sane, more whole, more me. the me that is separate from mommy, and separate from simply yan the photographer who i am on work trips.

but that doesn't mean i don't feel sick. because you see, i've got these guys:

and let's not forget uncle marty, the love of my life.

and i just hate hate hate that i can't shrink them and put them all in my pocket to take with me. of course a week ago during a long afternoon i was counting down the days and minutes, fantasizing about my time away--but now that its here, i'm a teary emotional mess. and this my friends is the mommy dilemma. i know you've been there too, and a lot of you out there probably feel the same way.

interestingly, as i was complaining to my own mom on the phone about how hard it all was--to be a working mom (tip: don't complain to a mother of 10 who has worked her whole life and still been the most amazing mother in the entire world), she's the one who put me in my place.

"be tuff anna (what my family always calls me, yet another name, i know, i know). you're doing it for them. and you can't do anything in this world without sacrifice." "i know," i said. because i did. even though it kept hurting. and even though today, i still feel sick and stressed. but i know what i'm doing, and what must be done. and sometimes life is just that way.

refusal to fail

and here we are again--that place where i'm disgusted with myself for not doing what i promised to do-- blogging.

every day.

creating a community right here where we can talk, gripe, and laugh together.

and let's not forget the pictures, shall we?

i am DONE with overthinking. done with waiting for the perfect thought, the funniest anecdote to share with you.

don't wait, create. that's what i tell others. time to practice what i preach.

so here is my promise to y'all. i am gonna be here 6/7 days. saying something. and it might be boring, or self indulgent, or repetitive, or a joke that bellyflops in the most painful way. i'm not going to think so much about that. i'm just going to do my darndest to show up.

i hope you show up once in awhile too.

wait, what's that, you wanna see a photo? oh alright. =)

i call this series of self-portraits "the right angle."  you know what i'm talking about. when you try to shoot yourself in the most flattering, possibly deceptive manner and then blast the internet with your photo so people are tricked into thinking you're a mega babe?  we alllll do it, am i right ladies? i mean, instagram just makes it waayyy too easy. we find our right angle,  then we post, check back every 5 seconds for a new compliment/comment, and respond with some  internet version of, "whaaaat? this old thing?! oh you're too, too kind."

hahahaha.

yeeeaaaahhhh--i'm about to post a bunch of junky yan right angles captured with  instagram/fb. here we go. if you follow me on instagram, or are my friend on fb, you've already seen most of these. but i don't know, i think they're worth another look (wink).

playing up my one true beauty, my hair:

oh hey, i'm sly, yet kinda sexy, yet wise and soulful, and why yes, my hair just happens to look sensational:

not only am i super hot, i'm a mom too!!! totally presh.okay, you caught me, i've taken one too many self portraits, but i still think i look good right now, and can't seem to stop myself from posting just onnnne more:this one was tricky. i wanted to show my man, my outfit, AND jonathan canlas' rad book, but how to cover up my squishy middle? oh, I'VE got it (bonus points for showing 2 pretty photos of myself in one self portrait!!!):

i did my hair kinda different, but starting to feel stupid about taking so many pictures of myself. oh well it must be done:

and a true low/high point--i got ready at like 4pm specifically for taking a pretty picture of myself, but then i couldn't bring myself to do it seriously and resorted to scrunch face to make myself feel not quite so vain and narcissistic.

and then we have the harsh reality:

=) thanks for indulging me fine readers. i really hope you got a good chuckle or two in. don't forget to meet me back here tomorrow. and then M-S of next week, yes, wppi week.

one last thing, if you leave a comment on this post, like i'm praying you do, do you think you can link to a quick photo of yourself? i mean, i'm feeling a little exposed here and would like to be on equal ground. actually, the truth is i so badly want to put faces to your names. even you mom. picture, please. xoxoxo

fight

t-t-t-t-travel dates

so i'm looking into the face of the unknown star wars style, and am going to try something i've never really succeeded at before: planning ahead.

yup, i'm packing up my gear  into my junky red camera bag that used to be a bowling bag and is completely impractical because of its lack of compartments, and hitting the road this spirng/summer!

in a way it feels like saying, "i know where i'm not wanted! i'm going where the people love me!" followed by a dramatic door slam.

then when i think about the amazing families who have invited me into their home  territories to document the toes and faces and hugs of those that are most precious to them, i feel humbled and so, so grateful.

so here are the travel dates and locations for Spring 2012 family sessions:

Los Angeles, CA: March 1-3

San Diego: March: 5-6th

San Francisco: March:  7-8

Boise: May 16-19

Utah (provo-slc): May 23-26

NYC: June 1-4th (3rd is blacked out)

Now, here is the thing about booking a travel session with your old pal yan. i am trying to streamline and simplify. what does that mean? it means one flat rate due at the time of booking that covers my time, travel and a CD of the images we create with a fancy print release for you to print as and how you wish. that's right, a pretty straight forward shoot and burn operation with no strings attached. in doing it this way, i can keep my costs lowerish for both me and you, and hopefully hold onto my sanity! please note that prices may vary somewhat between locations based on travel cost estimates.

so if you want to grab a session in your city during one of these times and want to konw the magic flat rate cost, please email me pronto!

photography.yan @gmail.com

or just click here: Contact Yan

its first come first serve, and the doors are officially open, hooray! here's to someone fighting over a slot the way two crazy ladies fight over a pair of boots at a clearance sale! (hey, a girl can dream right?)

not sure what i'm about and if my photography is right for your family? check out my best of 2011 families post here.

p.s. i'm really nice and you should hire me. ;)