two more make seven in chicago

i spend a lot of my life feeling overwhelmed. with everything i have to get done, with money, with whether or not i'm giving my kids enough attention. this that, a,b, or c. this world feels so super loud and busy all the time and it can feel like just.so.much. i don't particularly care for this personal trait. its not something i love, its not a lot of fun, i do it to myself, and i'm trying to be better.

most recently i find myself overwhelmed with sooo many sessions of sooo many beautiful things that i sooo want to share with the world, but where to start? and to combat this i am just blogging a lot faster and more instinctively than i may have in the past, so forgive me for this being maybe the longest blog post ever with an abundance of images i just couldnt say blog no to.

don't worry--i'm getting to a point. and here it comes.

when i walked into the brogle home i thought --- this lady is for sure going to be more frazzled than me. (oh don't look at me like that, you know you compare too! ha) new twins. new twins on top of three other kids. i thought that sleep deprivation just HAD to be ruling this house with its nightmarish reign of complete horror. i braced myself for it, i was ready.

but when i walked in their door, andrea just had this smile. acceptance. it said, "i'm tired. i'm spent. its been a long day and life is kinda crazy right now. but i'm okay. i'm doing my best. this is my family, here we are."

and i found myself overwhelmed in such a different way. the brand of calm among that crazy. the brand of love in the brogle home. the way the older kids held the babies. the way mom and dad and were such a gosh darn good tag team when the twins were screaming and one had to get the bottle and the other had to pose with the kids for their crazy photographer----it was life at its most beautiful messiness. it could have been overwhelming, in a way i guess it was, but  mostly, it just felt like love.

thanks for looking.

queens

some dear friends who gave me a place to stay on my last visit to new york. i grew up with cardon, and wish i grew up with kelly. side note that is not relevant but should definitely be noted: they are the most hilarious duo i have ever known. pure comedy folks. their little koos is a ball of wonder, and has me convinced he will grow up to discover or invent something really really really cool.

franny takes us out on the portland town

i have two separate but equal points to make regarding this blog post. 1. the mom in these photos is named posy (yes really! i know, i love that name so much).  she is one of the most special human beings i have ever met. she loves, and she gives, and she uses her probably at least 78%brainpower trying to think up ways helping others. i've been one of the people she has helped. the best part is, she's not even annoying nice. she just IS nice. i am so grateful that after our session i can now call her a close friend.

2. the little girl in this blog post is named franny. (i know, just when you thought it couldn't get better than posy!) and franny did not accept a single one of my tricks as a photographer. so you know what happened? instead of clowning around and screaming at franny (which is not beneath my usual antics). i got quiet. and i watched. because franny didn't really need my tricks. everything she was and where she took us was so lovely. it gave me the chance to shoot the session in a new way. to do things i never would have thought of if i was going according to MY system. and by the end of the session instead of franny hating me for me trying to bend her to MY photographic will, i felt like we had established a mutual respect for one another.

see what you think. xoxo, thanks for looking.

help uncle marty tell our story

images above taken by jonathan canlas in san francisco about a year and a half ago.

we were sitting in our therapists office. i was crying. a conclusion had finally been reached. the D word (we're still not able to say divorce in front of the kids). nothing felt real. the sense of failure and pain were a 1, 2 punch i didn't know how to move past.. and then there was my marty, my musician, making a joke, trying to softenthe blow just a little bit--

"and yan, i would just really like to thank you  because my third album is now going to be incredible. i've got a lot of excellent content...."

i laugh and shove him, then cry harder because i know its true. and it hurts. but in a slightly better way then before.

marty's third album (under the name of Quail) is our love story. how we fell apart. how we took care of  one other. how we're angry. which way he pulled, which way i pulled.  there is even a song that i wrote,  so that my perspective is represented --which i will sing with marty for-

if -

we can get the album made.

that's where you come in.

you've heard of kick starter right? its a rad company where people with worthy projects who might need a little extra help with funding have a chance to organize donations to that end. marty just launched his kickstarter last week here:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/quail/quailthe-third-album

and i want to help him. maybe more than i've ever wanted anything before. call it penance, call it an urgency to hear our story from him (i haven't listened to raw cuts of his songs as i'm a little to vulnerable for just that yet) call it a desire to give a tiny bit back to the man who was the single most valuable tool in building yan photography from the ground up. he harnessed my creative dreams and i would like to do the same for him.

so here's how we do it. if you click on the link above you can choose to donate to the cause of marty recording his third album. i know a lot of you have fallen in love with him and his music over the years. i know christmas is upon us and money can be tight, but if you have anything to give, please help, and please tell your friends. i believe in marty and his talent with all my heart. i believe this album has potential for greatness and i want to see it made so badly.

just to help you get your footing here is a video he and i collaborated on. check it out. i know i'm obviously biased, but i really love it, and this is one of my fav songs.

thank you thank you thank you. not just for the money i would like to believe you're about to donate, but for the immense support, love, and kindness i have recieved during this whole D word process. its been a mother freaking doozy, to say the least. and please, if you know anyone else going through a divorce. be kind. reach out. share some love. they really need it. xoxo

suzy and vasili in love in chicago

its an oversimplification. and  its going to sound like an exaggeration but the bottomw line is that suzy and vasilis changed my life with their kindness and their love.

suzy is a rad shooter in chicago and you can see her work here. go! she's also a film shooter herself and busted out her old polaroid land camera for me to use for a few shots. my favorite was this (which i think sums up these two more than the rest. thanks so much suzy):