i never wanted kids. the number of times i fantasized about being a mom as a young girl was -2. ladies at church would ask me to "babysit sometime," and i would smile and nod, then pray they'd never call. when i found out i was pregnant, 2 days before my 1 year wedding anniversary, i cried. not happy tears. i clung to marty, terrified, and tried not to think about anything at all.

the next day i went on a run. we lived on oahu , and let me just tell you that sweating in hawaii feels like secreting sticky glue from your pores.  i ran my normal route to the end of laie point,  cursing the hawaii sun because i was so freaking hot.  i was so uncomfortable i started to worry. not about myself, about something else. then suddenly a feeling rushed through my chest,  shocking me and relieving me all at once.


fierce, crazy love. a desire to do anything and everything to protect my baby. and i know this sounds incredibly dramatic, but the fact is, it was dramatic. the change was so night and day, i could hardly believe it myself. the fear i felt finding out i was pregnant was replaced by love and curiosity. what would it possibly be like to become a mother? it became something i definitely wanted to find out.

when i look at this post--that is waayyyy too long because  i suck at editing sometimes---when i look back at the families i photographed in 2011, that is what i think about. how family changes everything even when you don't want it to. its a miracle and a curse, and its the most beautiful power i've ever witnessed.  it will always be my favorite thing to photograph.

p.s. can you find the one photo that was actually shot in 2010?

BEST OF 2011 WEDDINGS Colorado Wedding Photographer

this has been an incredible year. i found film. i found my voice. i found joy in shooting again. i still have so, so, so far to go to reach my goals. but at least i know i'm walking along the right path. tripping some, and even falling down sometimes---but moving in the right direction. i hope you enjoy this sampling of wedding images from the last year. there were so many that got left out, and it breaks my heart! but i have to edit myself somewhere right? if you're reading this blog, please know that i appreciate you, i care for you, i might even love you. one thing is for certain, i wouldn't be where i am with out you.

thanks for looking.

They don't let you stand on the benches at Denver Union Station

want another little tidbit of info? peeing your pants at the beginning of a family photo session doesn't have to ruin it. no, not me, silly, one of these little boys who will not be named, but who was not phased even a tiny little bit, just so you know. Getting to shoot in new to me places in my now home state of Colorado keeps me feeling alive. Getting to meet other local photographers like Andrea and her family keep me feeling at home, even when everything feels big and unknown.